I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
