The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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