your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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