aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
