Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
