She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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