Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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