I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
COCAINE IS GR8
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
