So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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