I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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