my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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