just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize