overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
