Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I didn't notice because vodka
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
