You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
