she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
