Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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