Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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