Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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