Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
All the doctor said was why
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
