all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
