remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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