I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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