i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
