i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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