so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize