So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
