Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
