I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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