dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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