so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
