Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize