I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize