angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
