I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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