there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Semen is not good for contacts.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize