Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
