Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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