my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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