actually, I'm a sock model
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
