Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
