Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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