I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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