Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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