Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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