i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
