you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
