my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i came on her dog
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
