Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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