a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
