Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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