good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
