note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
