I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize