Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
