so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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