just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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