i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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