I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
