One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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