Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
