I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Rumble strips road head = magical
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
