Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
